I just had a dream that I pissed on Jennifer Aniston’s face. Okay, it wasn’t Jennifer Aniston, it was a person that looked like her.
To understand this dream you need to know a little bit of history about me. I have worked in many jobs, in many dissimilar fields. I am kind of shy in the beginning, I think most people are in this aspect. While I am shy, I am not shy about my body. I usually can hold my pee for a really long time, but when I have to go, I HAVE to go. When I go, it’s typically a long, strong stream. Because I hold it so long, it’s a lot of urine.
So, in my dream…
I started working at a local veterinarian as a helper. I have no idea when I’m doing, and they understand that. It has one doctor of veterinarian medicine (vet), several “nurses”, all female, excluding me of course. The vet is in her 30’s, the nurses are in their late 20’s, I am current aged, almost 50.
First day at the vet office, I am in the back, it’s a slow day, thank goodness. The vet is showing me around the office, and in the back. There are 3 or 4 nurses and it’ll be their job to show me the ropes of what I am to do. The office is small and rather crowded in the back.
For some reason the nurses are poking fun at me, I suspect it’s similar to a hazing type thing. I am in my scrubs and they’re showing me the equipment and how to use it. They’re showing me how to clean up and where it all goes. The back is quite small and crowded, equipment is stored in the hallways between the back procedure rooms and kennels. Due to the equipment in the hallways they are very narrow. While I am a larger guy (pushing 300 lbs), I am able to maneuver through the hallways without much problem.
The day is going on, the nurses and I are having fun at each others expense. They’re teaching me what I think I need to know, and still poking fun at me. I give as good as I get. There’s a lot of laughing and cajoling going on in the back.
The time comes for me to have to pee and I start to look for a washroom. While there are a few rooms in the back, none of them are washrooms. I ask one of the nurses where the washroom is and am told it’s at the end of the hall in a little alcove, out of the way. There’s a hint of a smile from the nurse as she explains it to me, like it’s an inside joke.
So, I go looking for the washroom, following the directions with a little trepidation. I don’t know what the joke is but I’m certain there is one there somewhere. I find the washroom exactly where it was described but the door is closed and locked.
I rattle the doorknob to test the state of the lock and it is opened by someone in the washroom. It’s another vet, HE is using the washroom as his office. I introduce myself and request to use the facilities and am told in no uncertain terms that it’s his office and I can’t use it for it’s intended purpose.
Along comes one of the nurses, she looks similar to Jenn Aniston. She grabs a small specimen container and hands it to me. The thing looks like a tablespoon sized funnel. I express concern about the size of it and that I would need something significantly larger. She chortles and inquires about how much larger. I tell her that when I have to go it’s at least 2 cups, 16 oz. She hands me a larger funnel shaped vessel and proceeds to get on her knees to watch me fill it.
While I am not shy about my body, I am not keen on doing my business with her witnessing it, and express my concerns. She tells me that it is standard because they have to test it to make sure that I am not sick. (WHAT?!?)
So, if that’s the game they want to play, I pull out my apparatus and prepare to go in this container. She waits staring up at me. I start to go with a gentle stream, and then it gushes out with enough force that it goes over the edge and showers her in the face. I’m not talking about a little sprinkle, I am talking a huge splash.
She’s disgusted. I can’t stop because I am mid-stream and the dam has burst. Once finished, I am embarrassed, she looks like a drown cat with runny raccoon eyes. I apologize and ask if there’s anything I can do to help.
She answers, No, maybe just get her a taxi, so she can go home and get cleaned up.
That’s it, the end of the dream. I wake up, softly giggle to myself and went to the bathroom.
I don’t know what that means, if it means anything and here I am, not half an hour later telling the world of my depravity.
Have a great day and stay dry!